Rule 23

     In the television show NCIS the lead character, Gibbs, played by that heartthrob of my youth, Mark Harmon, has "rules." Rule 23 is "never get between a Marine ans his coffee." Or, in the case of my niece, "her coffee."

     That can pretty much be applied to journalists as well (as can Rule 9, always carry a knife and Rule 10, don't get personally involved, but those are fodder for another column).

     However, not all journalists are addicted to caffeine (although some of us have a problem with those who aren't). These days most don't chain smoke and many don't swig their Maker's Mark or George Dickel straight. We, are, of course, all workaholics.

     The point is, we know from stereotyping. And we understand why the SPJ Code of Ethics urges us to avoid stereotyping. We also know why we must, even when we are feeling a little childish on the subject. 

     The code goes on to say: "Journalists should examine the ways their values and experiences may shape their reporting."

     Well now, isn't this the key? Or one of them?

     We all have our own experiences that no one else has. Here I am with NYC Italian relatives who are basically the cast of "Moonstruck" on one side of the family and a group of North Carolina Quakers who are somewhere in betweeen "Steel Magnolias" and "Driving Miss Daisy" on the other. I know from loud, loving and a bit self-destructive. I know from hugs, laughs, "gimme some sugah" and getting up in the middle of the night to watch a calf being born. It's a great combination, maybe an amazing one. But, it gives me certain prejudices based on what I have seen. 

      I've see Southerners are more honest about race than Yankees. They are more direct. I've learned you can get almost anything with a smile and that wearing a string of pearls makes you feel particularly beautiful. I've learned to feel comfortable surrounded by family, no matter how crazy and that the best way to handle crazy in the family is to celebrate it. 

     I've seen that love can manifest itself as yelling or laughing or cooking. I've learned that clothes are an important statement. Colors are vital. They let you fake it. I've learned that family is more important than anything. And, you can learn more from kids -- your own and others -- than you may want to admit. 

     But all these things also put me in a certain box.

     We all live in these boxes.

     In spite of what we learn in these boxes and what we believe and what we feel, we have to put those things aside and avoid inserting our values into the people we cover. That is not an easy task.

 My elegant Southern mother, right, at a crazy Italian graduation party. It's all about the lovin'